Ugh. Feeling Fat.

It sucks carrying this much weight.  I am only a few pounds from my highest weight in my adult life.  Hell...my ENTIRE life and I am feeling every ounce of it.  My wedding rings are too tight -- I can't wear them without discomfort.  My underwear I wear the most is so uncomfortable.  I'm lucky I still have two work pants that I can wear.  I am bored with my closet.  I feel like I'm not good enough to wear all of my gorgeous heels.

I remember when I was down to 202 (Nov 2011 or so).  Feeling sexy even though I still had lots of fat.  I rocked stilettos, had a waistline, was wearing size large tops and 14 bottoms.  I looked forward to planning outfits each morning.  I took time to groom myself, took pride in my appearance.  Loved the attention from people that hadn't seen me in a while.  Then I gained it all back.  Just like the other dozen times I've tried to lose weight and keep it off.

That's why this tool -- my sleeve -- will be a godsend.  I need something to help me -- permanently...for life.   I will have to use it to my advantage -- it won't do all the work for me.  I will be committed.  I will be different.  I will eat well.  I will get all my protein in....I will drink all my water.  I will avoid carbonated drinks, alcohol, and non-nutritious foods for a very long time....I can't say I will never have an Oreo again (I will), but in the beginning, I am going to be the star pupil.  I will surprise myself.  I will be a success story.

If I have calculated correctly, at the latest, my surgery date will be about 17 June or so, and that's being generous.  That's 75 days from today.  Yes, I have a counter on my cell phone.  (I also have a counter for Cape San Blas trip - 17 days, and Ireland - 172 days).

So I am taking it day by day.  Looking forward to getting ONE more appointment behind me.  April 14th can't come fast enough.  May 15th, May 16th, waiting to hear back about insurance approval, getting a surgery date....surgery day....then....then my journey continues.  The hard part.  The best part.  The rest of my life.  Being healthier, feeling better, looking better, living fully, being happy.

That's all I want.